Podcast Episode 3: Embracing Self-Love: A Vital Step in Healing from an Eating Disorder – UNTANGLED

Welcome to the Untangled Podcast

Hello, hello, my beautiful and wonderful and strong and mindful and intelligent warriors out there listening right now. I’m your host, Victoria, and welcome to the Eating Disorder Solutions Podcast, Untangled, where we’re dedicated to unraveling, decoding, and exploring growth within eating disorder and mental health recovery. I’m so happy to know you’re here, I’m here, and we’re ready to dive into the depths of eating disorders and other mental health issues in order to regain your power, which encompasses everything that you are—your body, soul, and mind.

A Quote to Begin With: Self-Love, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect

As always, I start or end my day with a positive quote, and I’m going to continue doing that on each episode for you. I’m just going to say the quote a couple of times so that you can really focus on it, allowing you to receive and prepare your mind and soul for the lesson on today’s episode.

So here’s today’s quote:

Self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. There’s a reason they all start with self; you can’t find them in anyone else.

Let me repeat that:

Self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. There’s a reason they all start with self; you can’t find them in anyone else.

How can you possibly apply this quote to yourself right now? A great mental health strategy is to apply helpful quotes to your daily life and really question them, think about it, and apply it to yourself. If you’re able, maybe even pause the episode and write down your thoughts. Writing is an amazing technique to help calm anxiety and process those emotions.

The Transformative Power of Self-Love in Healing

As our journal prompt naturally leads us into the world of self-love, when it comes to the journey towards healing from an eating disorder, one of the most significant and transformative steps is the cultivation of self-love. It may sound like a simple concept, but for those who have battled with the darkness of any type of mental health issue, or specifically in this instance, an eating disorder, it is a profound and life-altering realization.

Self-love becomes a literal beacon of hope, guiding you towards recovery, offering you strength and resilience to overcome many dark days.

Eating disorders are super complex and are often deeply rooted in feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. If you’re struggling with this, you often perceive yourself through a very distorted lens, finding fault in your body and your worthiness as a human being. However, the path to healing begins when you dare to challenge these damaging perceptions and embark on a journey towards that self-love.

What Self-Love Really Means

Self-love is not just an abstract concept; it is a radical act of kindness and compassion towards yourself. It’s the understanding that you deserve love, care, and acceptance just as much as anyone else does. It’s the realization that your worth is not measured by your appearance, your weight, or your ability to fit into societal standards. Instead, your worth is innate and it shines brightly within you. It’s just waiting to be acknowledged and embraced by you.

The road to self-love in the context of healing from an eating disorder can be challenging, but it’s also an incredibly rewarding experience. It involves learning to silence that inner critic, also known as your eating disorder voice, that constantly berates you, and instead replacing those harsh judgments with kind and affirming thoughts.

It means accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all, and recognizing that perfection is an unattainable illusion.

Self-love is about nourishing your body with wholesome food, not as a punishment, but as a way to show love and gratitude for the vessel that carries you throughout life. It’s about embracing exercise as a source of joy and vitality, not as a means to punish or control your body. It’s about listening to your body’s cues and honoring its needs—whether that means resting when you’re tired or indulging in a treat when you crave it.

Moreover, self-love involves seeking support and guidance from friends, family, and professionals who can provide the care and encouragement needed on the path to recovery. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who uplift and inspire you, rather than those who tend to trigger negative self-perceptions.

The Ongoing Journey of Self-Love

Perhaps most importantly, self-love is an ongoing process. It’s about forgiving yourself for past mistakes, recognizing that setbacks are a part of the journey, and celebrating your progress, no matter how small. Healing takes time—I’m sure you’ve heard that before—and it truly is not a one-time effort.

In that journey towards recovery, self-love acts like a balm for the wounds inflicted by the disorder over time. It’s the foundation on which your resilience is built. It creates the driving force that propels you towards a healthier and happier future. It’s a reminder that you are worthy of love, both from others and definitely from yourself.

To anybody who’s on this path right now, know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with internal battles around self-love, feelings of abandonment, never being enough, and the fear that if they’re not a specific way, life won’t work out for them. Your journey might be really difficult right now, but as long as you’re seeing it as a step in the right direction, you can’t go wrong.

Embrace self-love as that healing balm for your soul and let it guide you toward a life where you can experience joy, freedom, and a profound love for the incredible person that you are. You deserve love, and your healing journey begins with that act of loving yourself.

How Eating Disorders Erode Self-Love

A huge piece about healing from an eating disorder is accepting that it essentially took all your self-love away from you. An eating disorder can seriously erode self-love and self-esteem, as many of you may have felt or heard. It often leads people into a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and negative self-perceptions.

Here are just a few ways eating disorders can force you to lose your self-love:

– Distorted Body Image: Eating disorders are often accompanied by a distorted body image, where you might perceive yourself as overweight or undesirable regardless of your true appearance. This distorted perception fosters dissatisfaction with your body and self-loathing.

– Excessive Self-Criticism: People suffering from eating disorders tend to be excessively critical of themselves, constantly evaluating their worth based on appearance, weight, or food intake. This leads to unrealistic standards and punishing thoughts and behaviors when those standards aren’t met.

– Loss of Control: Eating disorders often involve rigid control over food and exercise. While maintaining control may initially feel like an accomplishment, deviating from these self-imposed rules can cause shame and guilt, contributing to feelings of powerlessness and self-hatred.

– Isolation: Many struggling with eating disorders isolate themselves to hide behaviors and because they feel unworthy of connection. This isolation worsens feelings of loneliness and worthlessness, further undermining self-love.

– Emotional Turmoil: Anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame intensify negative self-perceptions, making it difficult to see yourself as deserving of love and care.

– Loss of Joy: A relentless focus on food, weight, and appearance robs people of joy in life, making it challenging to comprehend how to give yourself self-love. This loss can include withdrawing from hobbies, social activities, and passions that previously brought happiness.

Eating disorders create a toxic cycle of self-loathing, self-criticism, and distorted self-image. Recognizing the impact of an eating disorder on self-love is a crucial step toward recovery, highlighting the need for help and support to break free from this destructive cycle and rebuild a healthier relationship with yourself.

Viewing Life as an Experiment

Whether or not you’re currently struggling with an eating disorder, at some point it may feel like it’s taking up everything in your life and making your world small. When you begin to view your life as one grand experiment, you start to let go of the suffering that comes from attachment to your eating disorder.

This perspective allows you to try different things, change lifestyles, and seek treatment to see what works for you. You start to enjoy discovering new things about yourself and the world around you.

You are not your eating disorder. You are not a mistake. Your life is not a waste of time. Your healing is not a waste of time.

This mindset opens up limitless opportunities because it releases you from the prison of self-judgment. When you constantly put yourself down, you imprison yourself. Your mind can be a prison or it can be limitless.

Think of your life as a chance to experiment, pivot, and grow—there is no failure, only opportunities to learn from experience.

Letting Go of Control and Embracing Self-Love

It’s hard to stop trying to control every aspect of your life, or to stop allowing your eating disorder to control it for you. But with treatment and emotional regulation skills, which go hand in hand with self-love, you can begin to let go.

I encourage you to be brave and accept the lightness of simply being—being present and allowing yourself the opportunity to evolve with your life instead of constantly resisting it.

Yes, all this begins with the famously known act of self-love.

Overcoming Fear and Anxiety About the Future

I know you might be scared, nervous, worried, or anxious about the future. Who isn’t? But you’re focusing so much on what could go wrong—have you ever imagined what could go right?

Try to stop catastrophizing and worrying about potential negative outcomes and instead consider the opposite: What if everything goes as planned? What if your eating disorder treatment is the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

By mulling over negative thoughts, you constantly relive things that haven’t happened yet, like believing you can’t exist without your eating disorder or that you won’t be able to take treatment seriously. You’re torturing yourself more than you need to.

You deserve the patience and kindness you so effortlessly give to others around you. Many of us (especially empaths who feel others’ pain deeply) don’t give ourselves the same consideration we give to those we care about.

Instead of being your own worst enemy, try being a little kinder to yourself. Give yourself credit where it’s due and see situations as they are—not as your mind sometimes distorts them. Give your mind a little rest.

Healing takes time, but it doesn’t always have to be a painful process. Save your mental energy for new ideas, new adventures, and the things and people you love, rather than filling it with hatred and lies that your eating disorder voice feeds on.

Simple Tools to Support Your Self-Love Journey

Here are a few simple, immediate tools to add to your mental health toolkit during overwhelming times:

– Go for a Long Walk: Try to find a place with greenery or nature. If you live in a city, visit a park or plant nursery. Breathe in the freshness.

– Meditate: I meditate every day. It’s hard at first, but with practice, you improve your ability to focus and genuinely believe positive things you say to yourself. Sometimes I use calming music, ocean or rain sounds to help focus on breath and give my brain a much-needed break.

– Declutter Your Living Space: Your surroundings greatly impact your mental health. When you’re surrounded by mess, you often feel worse. Don’t try to tackle everything at once; choose one to three things per day to clean until it’s done. Slow and steady creates peacefulness.

– Ask for Help: This one is hard for many, including me, because we don’t want to feel like a burden. Opening up to trusted family and friends about mental health can bring healing. You don’t always need to talk about your struggles—sometimes just supporting someone else or sharing a casual conversation can raise your energy. Even raising your vibration by 1% is worth the anxiety it may bring in the moment.

Breaking Societal Myths About Self-Love

Self-love isn’t easy to accept because social norms often frame it negatively. I struggled with it myself—I thought if I loved myself too much, I’d seem conceited; if I didn’t love myself enough, I’d be pathetic.

These are just thoughts with no real truth—created by the world’s unrealistic expectations.

Remember, as long as you’re not hurting anyone physically or emotionally, how you love yourself is your own business. If it bothers others, that’s about their unresolved issues, not you.

You don’t have to be cocky to be confident; you don’t have to boast to have self-love. It’s okay to give yourself the same kindness and patience that you give to others.

Final Encouragement

It’s funny how when others struggle, we eagerly ask, “How can I help?” but when we’re hurting, we rarely show ourselves the same compassion.

You can sit down with yourself and give yourself advice, patience, and love—please remember that.

I practice this often by holding my hand to my heart and saying:

“You deserve patience right now, Victoria. You deserve love right now. You deserve to rest right now.”

If you choose to reach out for help—to a therapist or to our center here at Eating Disorder Solutions—we support you in practicing self-love every day until it becomes a natural and essential part of your life.

Self-love doesn’t happen overnight, especially when you’re struggling with an eating disorder. Beginning to love your body, your personality, and your mind may feel impossible and infuriating, but it is possible.

You can live a life where you love yourself enough to pursue what you truly want and deserve, like healing and following your dreams.

I don’t love myself fully every day, and that’s okay. But I’m still a huge advocate for body positivity and self-love because I believe if we can try to save the world, we first have to save ourselves.

Remember: if you’re brave enough to let go, life will reward you with a new hello.