Thanksgiving Can Be One of the Harder Holidays in Eating Disorder Recovery
Thanksgiving centers a meal in a way most other holidays don’t, and that can make it one of the more difficult days of the year for someone in eating disorder recovery. Beyond the meal itself, there’s travel, time off work, extended family, and a lot of unstructured time around food for days on either side of the actual holiday. None of that means Thanksgiving has to be dreaded, but it’s worth planning for rather than just hoping to get through.
It’s okay if this is a hard day. Struggling with it doesn’t mean recovery isn’t working.
Negative Body Talk, Diet Talk, and Compensatory Comments at the Table
Thanksgiving conversation tends to circle back to food, dieting, and exercise, sometimes from people who have no idea it’s a sensitive topic. “I’m definitely going to need to work out after this,” “I shouldn’t have eaten that much,” or “I’ll skip breakfast tomorrow to make up for it” are common at a lot of Thanksgiving tables. Comments like these, about compensating for what’s already been eaten, are a bit different from what researchers call “fat talk,” meaning negative comments people make about their own body size or shape. Both kinds of comments show up around a holiday meal, and both can be hard to sit through in recovery.
A study of female college students found that 93% reported engaging in fat talk at some point, though only 29% said they did so frequently or very frequently. More frequent fat talk was associated with greater body dissatisfaction, and that association held regardless of a person’s actual body size. Because the study only looked at one point in time, it can’t say whether fat talk causes body dissatisfaction, reflects it, or both. A larger review pulling together 35 studies found a similar pattern: fat talk was consistently linked to body-image distress, though the size and direction of that link varied from study to study.
You’re not responsible for other people’s comments, and you don’t have to let them dictate your day. It can help to plan in advance how you’ll respond if it comes up: changing the subject, setting a boundary, or using a signal with a trusted person who can help redirect the conversation. If stepping away from the table briefly is already part of your coping plan, it can help to decide beforehand, with your support person or treatment team, how you’ll return to the meal.
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Planning the Meal Itself
Talking with your dietitian or treatment team before the holiday, rather than figuring it out in the moment, may help you build an individualized plan and feel more prepared. If you don’t currently have a treatment team, talking it through with someone you trust can help, though it isn’t a substitute for professional guidance if you’re actively struggling.
Your own plan should come from your treatment team, but some people find it helpful to stick to their usual meal structure rather than skipping earlier meals to “save room,” and to include foods they actually enjoy rather than only “safe” foods. If part of the meal, or a specific food or amount, feels especially difficult this year, that’s worth bringing to your dietitian or treatment team so you can decide together how to approach it, rather than changing your plan or attempting a difficult food exposure on your own.
If dessert is part of your plan, try not to treat it as something that needs to be earned or compensated for afterward, and follow the individualized plan you’ve developed with your team rather than deciding in the moment based on how you feel.
You do not owe anyone details about your treatment plan. If someone pressures you to eat more or less than you and your team have planned, a simple “No, thank you” or “I’m sticking with my plan for today” is a complete answer on its own.
Reframing the Day
Thanksgiving’s focus on gratitude can be a genuine anchor if the meal itself feels overwhelming. Taking a moment, even just mentally, to notice something you’re grateful for, whether that’s the people at the table, a specific dish, or simply having food available to you, is one option some people find helpful for shifting attention toward what the day is actually about for them.
When to Reach Out for Support
If you notice eating-disorder thoughts or urges getting louder as the holiday approaches, or during the day itself, that’s a sign to reach out, not a sign you’re failing at recovery. Consider telling someone you trust what’s going on so you don’t have to manage it alone, and contact your treatment team or another qualified healthcare professional if symptoms, urges, or your eating are getting worse. Support from friends and family can be valuable, but it doesn’t replace clinical care.
Eating disorders can cause serious medical complications. For urgent medical concerns, contact a healthcare professional. If there is immediate danger or a medical emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. For suicidal thoughts, a mental health or substance-use crisis, emotional distress, or any time you just need someone to talk to, call or text 988. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7.
Supporting a Loved One at the Thanksgiving Table
Thanksgiving is built around a shared meal in a way most other holidays aren’t, which makes it one of the harder days of the year to support someone in eating disorder recovery well. A little planning before the day, and a few habits at the table, go a long way.
Talking with the person in recovery ahead of time about what would actually help is more useful than guessing. Some people want a support person seated next to them at the table. Others want a signal they can give if a conversation starts to feel like too much, so their support person can step in and redirect without drawing attention to it. NEDA’s Thanksgiving guidance for people in recovery specifically recommends this kind of advance planning with a trusted person, precisely because it’s much harder to problem-solve in the moment, once diet talk or a comment about someone’s plate has already landed.
Comments about portions, seconds, or “earning” dessert through exercise are common around a Thanksgiving table, and they rarely come from a place of wanting to cause harm. Even so, they reinforce the idea that food needs to be monitored or justified, which works against what recovery is actually asking someone to practice. A support person can help by gently steering food-focused conversation elsewhere, or by having a couple of neutral topics ready (the game on TV, a family story, plans for the weekend) to redirect with.
Extended family members who don’t know the details of someone’s recovery, or who make old habits of commenting on bodies and weight, are often the hardest variable to control. It’s reasonable for a support person to have a short, private conversation with a relative beforehand — something as simple as asking them not to comment on anyone’s eating or appearance at the table — rather than leaving it to chance and hoping nothing gets said.
During and After the Meal
Sitting with someone, rather than watching them, makes a real difference. A support person doesn’t need to track what’s on someone’s plate to be supportive — in fact, visibly monitoring a person’s eating usually increases anxiety rather than reducing it. Ordinary conversation, the kind that would happen at any family meal, is usually more supportive than checking in about food specifically.
The time after the meal matters too. Comments about needing to “work off” the meal, or plans to skip the next day’s meals to compensate, are common in general conversation around Thanksgiving and can be difficult for someone in recovery to hear, even when it’s not about them. A support person who notices this kind of talk starting can redirect it or simply change the subject, the same way they would for any other conversation that wasn’t appropriate for the room.
None of this requires perfect execution. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders’ guidance on family involvement in recovery is clear that consistency and willingness to keep showing up matter more than getting every single moment right. A support person who stays present, checks in afterward about how the day actually felt, and follows the person’s lead is doing the most useful thing available — more useful than any single perfect sentence at the table.
Related Reading
- Eating disorder treatment at Eating Disorder Solutions
- Making It Through the Holidays: Christmas, more on navigating a food-centered holiday season
- Halloween Brings Its Own Challenges in Eating Disorder Recovery, another look at a challenging holiday
References
Salk, R. H., & Engeln-Maddox, R. (2011). “If you’re fat, then I’m humongous!”: Frequency, content, and impact of fat talk among college women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 35(1), 18-28.
Mills, J., & Fuller-Tyszkiewicz, M. (2017). Fat talk and body image disturbance: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 41(1).
National Eating Disorders Association. “7 Tips for Getting Through Thanksgiving in Eating Disorder Recovery.” nationaleatingdisorders.org.
National Alliance for Eating Disorders. “The Role of Family in Eating Disorder Recovery.” allianceforeatingdisorders.com.
Resources
National Alliance for Eating Disorders Helpline: 1-866-662-1235, Monday-Friday, 9 a.m.-7 p.m. Eastern Time (ET). The helpline provides eating-disorder support and treatment referrals and is not a 24/7 crisis service.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988. Available 24/7 for suicidal thoughts, a mental health or substance-use crisis, emotional distress, or any time you need someone to talk to.
